Way to Elysium
by CodeNameWiseGirl
Summary: 'We've always dreamed of going to a paradise in the afterlife together, remember that, Percy? Well, I just took the shortest way there.' In which Annabeth Chase's death impacted her boyfriend Percy more than they thought it ever would. Written for Worldwide Suicide Prevention day. AU/Percabeth. [TWO-SHOT]
1. Way to Elysium

**Welcome to my first one-shot! This short stuff is written for Worldwide Suicide Prevention day, as said in the summary. This story deals with love and loss and suicide, so read at your own risk. I'm not saying there are some unbearable scenes here, just...**

 **Anyways, I wish you get the message of my story!**

 **Way to Elysium**

" _Aw, Annabeth, aren't you tired of this place? We've gone here for like, a bajillion times, for gods' sake." Percy whined as he and Annabeth went to sit down on a bench that had this huge tree behind it. Annabeth chuckled lightly, playfully punching his arm._

" _Of course, Seaweed Brain," she said in between laughs before they finally sat down. "The tree here is where you engraved the initials of our name, right?"_

 _Percy looked back on the tree, where he could clearly spot the letters carved into its rough body: PJ then below it was an infinity symbol and beneath the infinity symbol were the letters AC. Seeing it made Percy laugh. It was a year ago – when he and Annabeth were sixteen – when he carved those things into that old tree. It was on the day Annabeth finally became his official girlfriend. Percy could still remember how happy he was during that time._

 _Annabeth and Percy had known each other since they were twelve, and back then Annabeth viewed him as a stupid boy who used sarcasm as a defense mechanism (which was sort of true). Percy remembered arguing with her almost all the time, but without Annabeth knowing, that stupid, sarcastic boy was falling for her…and hard. So when they finally became a couple, he was so happy he dragged Annabeth to Central Park to their first date and etched letters and an infinity symbol to the tree that was as old as the park, if he might add._

 _A stupid 12 year old grin spread across his face as he turned to look at Annabeth. He stared straight into her eyes which were as deep grey as the heavy clouds, and held both of her hands. "You know, Wise Girl, I think this spot here is our paradise. This is where our infinity started. And I want our infinity to continue even in the afterlife – in another paradise where we are together."_

" _You finally said something sensible, Seaweed Brain,"_

" _Yes. Yes I have." Percy grabbed her waist and pulled her close, and kissed her with such love that he almost believed they were actually infinite. The kiss lasted longer, and Percy had more time to think about this young love that he and Annabeth shared._

 _Yes, he had fallen for this girl so hard. He had fallen for those perfect golden curls that tumbled down her shoulders, he had fallen for those grey eyes that shone like the brightest star in the night sky, and yes, he had fallen for those smart mouth of hers which in the beginning pissed him off to no end but suddenly had become endearing._

 _They had infinity now – in that place they preferred to call their earthly paradise. And he refused to believe that it could be broken. Yes, even in death they would find each other and live together in Elysium._

 _They broke apart, breathing heavily from the prolonged kiss. But they were grinning like idiots, and no one would have understood why._

" _I love you, Annabeth," he spoke softly into her ear. A giggle came out from Annabeth's lips, and she leaned close to his ear, too._

" _I love you more, Percy." She whispered._

 _And at that moment, Annabeth Ridley Chase and Percy Jackson were infinite._

* * *

Percy sat up immediately in the middle of the night. Beads of sweat traced their way to his neck. There was a wild look in his sea-green eyes. Why? Dreaming about everything only made everything worse. He couldn't sleep without having to remember…

She was gone.

The dreams would _never_ bring her back to him. The infinity…the infinity was broken…it was broken way too early. He clutched his blanket tightly to his chest, shaking his head to try and clear his head.

Nothing was clear.

Everything was smudged, and blurry, and goddamit everything was unfair! Percy clicked the light open and breathed heavily. Then his phone rang and he quickly grabbed it – for a moment thinking it was Annabeth calling. When he found out it was only Rachel, his friend in high school, who was calling, he turned the phone off and leaned back against the wall.

And then he remembered again.

She was gone.

He remembered being at the funeral, wondering why it happened. He remembered feeling so empty and unable to cry during the funeral and then almost dying of sobbing when he got home. When people grieve, they require time. Some people might get over after a couple of weeks, some months, and some a full year. But there are people who never got to move on, and Percy believed he could be one of those people. After all, how could he get over the death of the only love he had?

It's been two weeks now, since her death…and Percy had yet to get over the shock. It got harder and harder each day, when he is forced to open his eyes and drink in the reality when he does. And every day was a nightmare. He would wake up to hearing the news talking about a seventeen year old girl who jumped off a building, he would go to school and find everyone staring and whispering about him, and the newspapers' headlines weren't so comforting themselves.

 _Seventeen year old girl jumped off from Cerulean Industries building. Reason for suicide still unknown._

And Percy didn't know why, too. Annabeth Chase would never do those sorts of things. No, she just couldn't. They swore infinity together, didn't they? In fact, she was the one who dragged him into actually making a vow together. Why would she break it first?

Percy was, for the millionth time for the past two weeks, was angry, and confused, and pissed at particularly no one. Maybe he was mad at the world, or Annabeth, or himself. And maybe he was mad at himself for not stopping her. He spent two weeks on rewinding the time Annabeth was alive. He kept on dreaming about the last time they went to the Central Park. Heck, he even remembered that last call with her, no matter how painful it was. That call was an hour before…before she…before she slipped out of his grasp and went to their sworn Elysium ahead of him.

And the most painful of all, he never understood why.

The night she called, everything seemed fine. And he regretted not knowing that everything was not fine. Now he wished he could bring back time and undo it all.

And then Percy Jackson went into the phase again: staring, and thinking, and not aware of his surroundings anymore. He didn't even know that he was ripping the blanket off already. He was going off farther into the dreamscape, where he was just thinking, and rewinding, and regretting everything.

Sometimes he wished he would just not wake up. The phase had been going on for almost two weeks now, and it was draining him. The feeling of loss was always in him, and he knew at that time that nothing could take it away from him.

"Percy! Oh my gods, what are you doing?"

The shout made Percy snap back to reality. He jerked his head towards the door where his mother, brunette Sally Jackson, was standing over, watching him in horror. Percy stared at his hands and realized the blanket was ripping in half. He immediately released it from his hand while Sally hurried over and hugged him. Percy was astonished that he just sat on the bed, wide eyed.

"Honey…I know it's hard," his mom spoke in between sobs. She was the most pained person of all to see him like that. But she understood him. She had also experienced losses, and Percy was amazed that his mom really stood up and stayed strong. Yet…there were times she spoke like _her._ And Percy would suddenly remember _her._ And…

"Mom, I don't know what to do anymore," Percy admitted, a batch of tears breaking out from his usual bright sea green eyes. "It's like I'm in a black hole and everything is just the same wherever I go. But then I couldn't get out of it."

Sally held on tighter to him. She ran her hand down his raven black hair and comforted him with optimistic words. But Percy could tell his mom was also trying not to break down. She had always treated Annabeth as her real daughter.

"Don't worry, Percy. Whatever has caused her to make her decision, I am sure she's happy now and down in Elysium, watching us." She said.

"But that's the hardest thing, Mom, to know that she's there right now while she isn't even graduating from high school yet. I don't want to lose her, Mom, I honestly don't."

"I know, honey. The hardest part of dealing with loss is letting go and moving on." She explained, pulling apart from her son and staring into his eyes. "But eventually, you'll find yourself free from the pain."

* * *

The next day, Percy got off early and went back to the root of the memories – Central Park. Somehow, the advice of his mom urged him into going back and trying to let go of it, one last time. It was Saturday, so he had free time. He casually walked over the bench with his hands in his pockets. As he walked closer, old memories started to resurface. They weren't really old. In fact they only happened a few weeks ago. Only everything was starting to fade from his memories. Now they were starting to come back to him, and he started missing the times when he and Annabeth would walk around and talk. He laughed. Now he wished he could bring back even the simplest of times.

Yet he couldn't.

Annabeth Ridley Chase was gone – dead.

Percy brushed off some leaves before sitting on the bench. Then he turned to see the tree again. The letters were still there, as if nothing bad happened, as if Annabeth was still alive and their infinity wasn't broken. _PJ, infinity, and AC_ didn't seem to connect right now, he thought.

And the realization broke him, broke him more and more inside. Every time he realized that the one person he loved most was gone, the hole in his heart kept growing…

Then the phase started.

He didn't even know how he got there, only he found himself before her tomb again. Percy knew that the phase was getting worse, and when time passed he would never be able to control it. But he let it. He let the phase destroy him. Annabeth made her way to Elysium, he needed to go with her.

The next thing he knew, he was kneeling down before her grave, and crying his eyes out.

 **xox**

Rachel wasn't the least surprised when she found her friend at the cemetery. She wasn't surprised that he was kneeling there either. She walked solemnly towards him, dropping the flower she brought before the grave, and knelt down beside Percy.

"Hey," she spoke, but Percy did not seem to notice her. He was only staring, and staring with those empty sea-green eyes that made Rachel frown and worry. She saw what he was staring at: the letters engraved to the stone: _Annabeth Ridley Chase._ Rachel understood why Percy was like that. To lose your childhood best friend and girlfriend to a suicide you never understood will kill you slowly inside. Percy must have been going crazy trying to find out _why_ Annabeth did it. Even Rachel didn't know.

After all, Annabeth Chase was the smartest student in Goode High. Her grades never got below ninety-four, and her parents were kind and loving, she had good friends and the best boyfriend a girl could ever have, plus she was born into a fairly wealthy family. What could be the reason?

Now, the people she left were wondering. Crying. Mourning over her death time and time again. Just like Percy Jackson.

"It's funny that she ended up having her name etched again," Percy said finally, although his eyes were still fixed on the letters. Rachel flinched upon hearing her best friend's voice. They'd been at school for two weeks but he never uttered a something more than 'Yes' and 'No' and 'I don't know'. "I once did that with our names to a tree, and I guess she's just continuing it." He continued, with a frown forming on his forehead.

"Percy…"

"Mom said I should let go, but it turns out I couldn't. Y'know, Rachel? The hardest thing about this loss is waking up every morning and looking at my phone to see if she'd texted me but remembering that she's gone. It's…"

A single tear slid down Rachel's cheeks. She shared Percy's sorrow. Annabeth Chase was her girl best friend. They used to talk about how funny the other girls were trying to catch the boys, they used to shop to death just for the sake of experiencing it, and even Rachel couldn't believe that she was gone all of a sudden.

Rachel wiped the tear from her cheek. She had to stay strong for Percy, if she didn't then who would? Then she noticed Percy's odd behavior. He tackled the gravestone and clutched it tightly while whispering things like 'you couldn't be gone' and 'tell me why'. Rachel immediately sprang to her feet and grabbed Percy away from the stone – to no avail. The flowers she brought were crushed by Percy's knees. It was a terrible sight.

"Percy, what in the gods' name are you doing?!" she yelled while she tried to pull him. Percy shook his head vehemently, and that could have been the last time she ever had a normal conversation with him.

"Annabeth, tell me why! Why did you go?" Percy demanded. He was flailing and fighting against her that Rachel gave up and only watched everything with horrified eyes.

Then a series of rambling started.

* * *

Percy Jackson was losing himself. It was as if something possessed him. It was terrible, real, real terrible. He was aware that his best friend Rachel Dare was there, shouting his name, trying to jar him back to the reality, but then he realized that _this_ was the reality.

The reality was that Annabeth Ridley Chase was under that stone, and she would never come back. The reality was that he was going damn crazy.

Rachel gasped. "Percy! Stop that!" She forcibly grabbed his left hand and didn't let go of it. He found out he was biting his fingers, unaware. "Oh gods, Percy, goddamit! Get yourself together. You know now how Annabeth's death impacted you. Now, seeing you like this is the same to us!" Rachel stopped abruptly to breathe. "They found a note, Percy. From Annabeth."

Percy looked up at Rachel – the note getting his full attention. He slowly let go of the gravestone. "A…note?" he asked. Rachel dug through her handbag and fished out a small yellow paper and handed it over to him.

"The police found it in her room. It was stuck on one of the pages of Annabeth's book. We don't know what to make of it, but I figured you could."

Percy's hands were shaking as he gripped the paper. There was Annabeth's final goodbye to them, and Percy was both nervous and pained. Then finally, he read the note.

' _We've always dreamed of going to a paradise in the afterlife together, remember that, Percy? Well, I just took the shortest way there.' I'm sorry, Percy, that I have to go without you. You might be asking why, but some things are better left unexplained. If you see this I hope you know that I love you. You might think that our infinity is broken, but to me its not. I will love you even in death. And I want you to know that I lost my way to the earthly paradise. So I went to another paradise instead. Percy, all I want to say really is I love you. I love you a thousand times. ~Your Wise Girl, Annabeth_

He expected tears to come out. They didn't. Instead he was left feeling so hollow, and empty, and unsure. Reading Annabeth's final note to him was harder than he thought. The letters floated on the paper – and Percy was positive it was not because of dyslexia. He was just so…dizzy…from it all. His chest hurt like he had been stabbed, his eyes were weary, and everything was cold and dark.

Percy Jackson wanted to rest.

 _When people grieve, they take time. No one knows when it will end. Some might just cry a little and move on, some might take months and years to do it, but there are some people who have been impacted so much that they never got to move on. It just shows that there is no paradise in death, only grief. And the only way to a real Elysium is to live your life to the fullest because after death? There's none._

' _We've always dreamed of going to a paradise in the afterlife together, remember that, Percy? Well, I just took the shortest way there.'_

Percy Jackson started screaming.

 **xox**

 **I hope you got the message. I purposely didn't explain Annabeth's reason because I want you all to know that not all suicides are explained. In fact, some of them do not want to be explained. Just like Annabeth here. And Percy has to deal with the knowledge that Annabeth left without giving him a reason. It ended kinda bitter, right? That's because I'm also trying to show the reality that not all people who experienced the loss would get over so fast. Some, like Percy, get depressed and anxious and pained.**

 **This story is dedicated to all of you out there who suffers the excruciating emotional pain. If you want someone to talk to, I'm here. You can always PM me. Maybe the purpose of me writing this is to tell everyone that we cannot find peace in death. Yes, it might be hell here on earth, but dying would be worse than that. There will be people who grieve, and just like Percy said: 'there is no paradise in death, only grief' and 'the only way to a real Elysium is to live your life to the fullest because after death? There's none.'**

 **Thaks for taking the time to read! And remember, stay strong! There are people who love you so don't give up just yet.**

 **Love,**

 **CodeNameWiseGirl**


	2. Chapter 2: Trying

**Chapter Two: Trying**

There was never any closure.

Nothing was ever explained to him. To anyone. People who might have been the cause would not speak up-never admit to it. Then again, he could be the cause, or at least one of them, and he didn't know. He'd never get the chance to.

It was that thought, that question of _why_ , hitting him like a truck at random times on random days, that sent Percy Jackson's gut-wrenching shrill screams shaking up the entire apartment building.

He craved closure.

But more than that, he wanted her back. He craved her presence, her everlasting smile, those intimidating stormcloud eyes that he had finally learned to love. He simply _missed_ her. One would say he only missed the memories, their shared bond that he could not let go yet due to grief but would be able to eventually.

Percy snorted without humor. What was scaring him the most? Not that he couldn't forget about the memories, but because he was actually starting to forget them. He had this realization when, just a few weeks ago, he'd visited this same diner he was currently at-he was with his friends then-and one had to ask if he was okay about it. Percy hadn't understood then. One of them, Jason Grace, pointed out that that was the diner where he had first met the girl that was about the ruin his entire mental stability.

His heart clenched then. There was a tiny squeak in his voice when he replied, the breath he was withholding seeping through just a little bit. "Oh."

Maybe they all knew, but didn't comment on the obviously constricted smile he had forced on himself that time.

Percy leaned back in his booth with a spiteful smirk. He was back at the diner, this time though alone. The place was remarkably peaceful, with it being Wednesday afternoon and only a few people coming in and out of the glass doors.

He heaved a heavy sigh as his meal was laid down by a girl he had come to recognize due to his frequenting there. "Thanks, Pipes," he mumbled like he always did, making the mistake of looking up at the girl who gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I know I'm a vegan, but for once I actually approve of someone eating some meat." She dusted her apron and faded jeans with her hand, and patted him awkwardly at the back. He regarded her coldly. "Oh don't give me that look, Jackson. I know what you're doing. That innocent visage thingy doesn't work on me. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to stop eating _just_ salads here. Eat the gods dang steak. It's on me."

Percy blinked. Had he been ordering the same thing here for weeks? He couldn't possibly tell-see, his brain was fuzzy enough as it is. He also didn't particularly care.

He shrugged. "Well then." Not like the stubborn boy would eat much anyway.

Piper shook her head slightly. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn't disappointed in him like everyone else was, just sad.

"I got a new hairdo today."

Percy frowned at the random comment, looking back up again to finally notice it. And sure enough, what used to be Piper McLean's long, cinnamon colored hair had been cut to a shoulder-length, a single purple streak running across the side of it. Even her eyes were different. Naturally, they were kaleidoscopic, the different shades entrancing you to them and then consuming you until you couldn't look away. Now, she probably hid them with those new blue contact lenses.

When did this happen?

He flinched when she spoke as if she had read his mind. "I dyed it a week ago, felt the need to change somehow." Her gaze was somewhere out the hazy glass windows, though her vision didn't really seem to focus on anything.

A week? He had been here the whole time, and he did not notice a single thing? He blamed it on his grief stricken self. He always did.

"Perce," Piper paused, meeting his cloudy green eyes with her own worn-out pair. He tensed at the mention of his name, and at the exhaustion in her tone. "I'll tell you something. I know you're trying to remember things that your guilt and sadness hid at the back of your brain," she slid into the opposite booth, leaning forward. Percy cautiously examined her. "let me enlighten you. I only know so much, but I was a friend of Annabeth's and I feel the need to tell you this: we're just as tired as you are. This may sound insensitive, but we really are. Seeing you like this for _three_ months have been stressing everyone out. Did you know Rachel calls me every night, crying, because of constantly worrying about you? Sally comes in here frequently to look for you whenever you're gone off somewhere. Did you notice her greying hair? The bags under her eyes? Did you even notice that Annabeth stopped eating salads, and got a haircut four days before her...her death?!"

The long rant was followed by a thick and dreadful silence, cut through only by Piper's ragged breaths. She had her eyes shut tight. Percy knew well enough how hard it must have been for Piper to get the last word out.

He shifted in his seat.

"Did you know?" It was a mere whisper, a calmed question this time.

Noticeably Percy had straightened.

The grief-stricken boy tried to rack his brain for any memory of Annabeth getting a hair cut. He briefly stepped into that past, four days before her departure, and he found hinself back at her house, playing Cards Against Humanity with their small circle of friends. Percy took a careful look at her brightly smiling face, taking in all the features hers that seemed different. He noticed it. It was definitely was not a small change. Curls that had dropped down to her waist had been cut to her shoulders, much like Piper's. That drastic change...

And then he looked at the past him, barfing, simply having fun like most teenagers.

That boy from the past missed the momentary drop of his girlfriend's smile, the quivering of her lips. The slight smear on her makeup that was caused by a single tear on her cheek. And all of a sudden, when the boy turned, her face automatically lit up.

Percy gaped, mouth parting a little. He didn't even know Annabeth wore makeup.

He was too selfish to have noticed anything.

"No." It was intended to come off coldly and nonchalant. Instead he stretched out the one word slowly like it was more a question than a statement.

Piper wrung her hand. "Trust me when I tell you I don't mean to put a heavy weight on your conscience again, Percy."

"I know." And it was a genuine response.

The girl had her lips pressed into a thin line. "I'm sorry for ranting. I know full well how the three months had been for you. You can talk to me always, you know that."

He knew. "I'm sorry."

He cringed. There it was, the one thing he should have told Annabeth but would never be able to now.

Piper nodded. She lingered there a little longer, unsure of what else to say, but decided to stand up. She gave Percy another awkward pat on the shoulder this time, and she then walked off to another booth to serve a couple.

He stared at his food. Not quite certain with what to do with it.

 _We're just as tired as you are,_ Piper had said. The words rang in his ears.

He peeked over his shoulders to see Piper staring at him expectantly.

Groaning, he raised his fork and knife and slowly started cutting the sweetly smelling steak. After the first small bite-a wary one at that-he had started digging in, going from the large meat to the fries at the side. Slow turned to a beastly speed, and even then his stomach couldn't get enough. It had grown so used to emptiness, only mere salad filling it, that the change was shocking his system. For the first time he felt full. He licked his lips, relishing the cloud nine taste of a cheap diner steak.

Then, he perked up. He scanned the surroundings, eyes wide, entirely awake now.

His gaze was fixed on the outside of the floor to celing glass window. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

The snow covered the roads and roofs out. His eyes wandered up to the billowing clouds that painted his entire view a striking gray.

The first snowfall had started, and small flakes danced gracefully in the stillness, pitter-pattering on the surface.

He hung his head to the side, watching and drinking in the beauty of every single pattern and frost that clung to the glass.

Annabeth hated snows.

When they first met, on a winter Wednesday at this same place, she had judged his fancying of the snow. Outwardly declaring him a hopeless romantic who believed too much in the 'lovey-dovey' movies where people would kiss in the rain or even worse, she spit in disgust, the snow.

 _"What's s_ _o romantic about eating someone's face out in the cold where they'll probably die or get frostbite?"_ She'd huffed and relented, throwing younger Percy a piercing glare. " _Do those people romanticising it not care if little girls follow the same hopeless romantic path, not thinking about their poor health?"_

Percy had hated her then. He didn't understand why this random girl, after he told his Mom he loved the snow, suddenly walked up to him from the booth behind theirs and started screaming at his face. They were twelve.

He found her annoying. How her chin turned up higher, how she snobbishly wrinkled her nose whenever she walked past him. How she could assume of people however she wanted.

They hated each others' guts and for a year, he dreaded the snow and going into Olympus Diner because of her.

He hadn't expected to fall. Especially not for that know-it-all brat. They were literally the walking contradiction of each other. She was blonde, his hair was ebony. She had a natural tan that strikes people as Californian even though she wasn't, while he was as pale as a white sheet little boy. He liked meat and junk food and she, fruits and salads. Annabeth Ridley Chase was born into a wealthy businessman family, was bound for greatness from her birth and whose grades were all consistent Straight As since kindergarten. A talented child with the gift in arts, Mathematics and Science. Percy was...well just Percy Jackson. Born into a wonderful mother but a pretty shitty dad. And pretty horrible step dads until Paul Blofis. There was nothing remarkable about him, unlike that girl who wore the most expensive clothes and donned the newest version of IPhone with her to school.

But, as the romantic movie he was actually just forced to watch says, 'the more you hate, the more you love'. Yet he wanted to retain the hopeless romantic image Annabeth had of him just to annoy her, and that turned into an irritating throb in his chest that he couldn't wrap his head around at the time.

It kept him up all night.

Suddenly, he loved the snow again. And for the same reason she hated it: her eyes. They gave off the same vibes, the same striking gray color. Annabeth loathed the eyes she inherited from her mother.

On the contrary, Percy grew to love them.

"Perce?"

He stiffened. The small smile tugging at the corners of his lips dropped...he didn't even notice he was smiling.

A grumble hummed at the back of his throat. He was aware of the reality now, remembered where he was. His heart dropped at the same time his vision refocused to reality.

He glared at the person who forced him out of his flashback. Did not bother to tone the intimidating face down.

It was Rachel. She looked like she passed a storm with her red, stringy hair going off all places. He rolled his eyes. "What are you doing here, Rache?"

Her arms crossed. "I was aiming for your salad," she huffed indignantly.

"As you can see," Percy began with a hint of sarcasm, showing off his empty plate, "no salad. Bet you didn't come here to mooch off of me?"

 _Bet you and Mom were worried sick about this ungrateful fucker._ He didn't say it.

Rachel scanned the table. She blinked twice.

"No salad?" She asked incredulously. She cupped his face in between her warm hands and tilted her friend's face side to side. Months ago, horrified neighbors fled at the sound of his disturbing screams. Months ago, he looked at people with green eyes which light died out. For three months, he had come to love vegetables so much even Rachel, a meat enthusiast, almost turned into a vegetarian.

Was this the same person?

Percy chuckled lightheartedly, putting back her hands to her sides. She still had her eyes marginally wide. Though to be fair, nothing else surprised her more than her best friend laughing. Seventeen years, he was the light in everyone's lives. Three months of detrimental grieving extinguished that out easily. Now? There was hope. One Rachel Elizabeth Dare had been ready to forego when she found him that time, cradling Annabeth's gravestone and crying out unstoppably.

There was still hope.

Unbeknownst to Percy who busied himself with playing with the tall glass of milkshake-a customized blue vanilla, his favorite-Rachel smiled. Her vision clouded with tears. Her eyelashes wet with them too.

Maybe no one noticed but there had been a change over time. Little changes perhaps, yet indespensible ones. Percy, a few weeks ago had stopped screaming at random. He never stopped visiting the cemetery but never stayed and slept there either. He forgot a lot of things, talked and fiddled absent mindedly most of the time. It was all better than his monotonous 'Yes' and 'No's three months ago.

These small things led to this: a momentary laughter. Genuine. The most missed sarcasm. And finally-Rachel sighed inwardly-no goat food (aka salads).

When she made herself comfortable opposite Percy, he spoke, "I can remember some details now."

Her breath hitched.

"I can't exactly remember some things vividly like I used to..." he gave her a lingering, sheepish glance. "I'll try my best from now on."

She released the breath she was withholding.

And she let him talk.

Warmth spread through her heart. There was another smile threatening to break out of her, another batch of tears. She held them back even if it was like holding back thousands of soldiers alone.

Speaking helps. Rachel learned that three months ago. People only reprimanded Percy for his behavior, almost no one caring to hear his side of the story. Maybe that was what drove Annabeth to her decision. No one cared enough to listen; they only looked at her outward appearance and made the decision she was fine. She showed them she never was.

Who would ever know the answer why?

Thinking about it drove her mad. She could imagine how worse for her best friend this was when she would literally bang her head against the table at night wondering. Pondering. Trying to help Percy get the closure he needed.

Rachel peered at the counter where Piper McLean was. The other girl was observing them, nodding once. Rachel returned it.

"I don't know," Percy started and Rachel's eyes immediately went back to him. "but I went here couple of times. Still couldn't remember how we met." He gawked at the snow falling outside, a far away look in his eyes.

"Do you now?" It came out as a cracked whisper that cut in the ever hanging silence.

It was hard to read his expression over the dim light. Slow music started playing. Percy looked outside again, at the night embracing the whole of Manhattan. The snowcapped roads and roofs, the moody yellow lights of the lampposts, kids running around chased by their mothers-the diner's current vibe fit with it perfectly.

"Winter is beautiful. I wish Annabeth would see it from this perspective."

The comment was laced with both bitterness and sadness, and most importantly, longing.

Rachel hummed in response.

"The memories were slowly slipping out of my grasp you know?" He spoke again after a while, lowly. "Replaced with made up ones I created unconsciously, to cope. Gods did it take long to realize that. Awful. This is the day we met. I was also eating steak, in this very diner at this very booth, and it was the first snowfall. Maybe I was destined to remember today, on the day it started, to end it here too." A throaty laugh. "Gods would Annabeth kill me for saying such a cheesy thing. That stubborn girl never did quite believe in things like fate. Said they were too...supernatural. Illogical. Ironic how she said that and still believed in an Elysium."

The dark haired boy unconsciously rubbed the pale skin around his wrists. Elysium...

He could just hope she went there.

"That's a nice start, Percy. Sally would be so happy."

Percy smiled. "Thanks, RED."

She returned it. Her lips were trembling; her heart could explode any second now. The old nickname left an unwavering flutter of hope in her chest.

"What if," she stretched the syllables slowly, warily approaching the situation. Percy was like, at least to her, a frail glass that she should handle with care, lest he breaks completely. He leaned forward with an eager stare, hands entertwined with each other.

 _Deep breaths, Rachel, this is for him. This is for everyone. For Annabeth._

"You don't run from the memories Percy. You go after them. Maybe you'll remember, you just have to retrace your steps like today.

Look at happy pictures of you both. Let her features sink in. But don't do it to reminisce the pain of the past three months. Do it to find the clues you never could during the denial and grieving stage, and look not only for the memory of her, but also of the _you,_ the Percy Jackson before these three months happened. We can start the acceptance stage if we try to actually accept, to let the truth sink into our guts and hurt us until they can't anymore. Until we've come to terms with it enough to move past it. Then, maybe, you'll get the closure you wanted."

She didn't expect all these words to come out the way they did. Rachel commissioned for the safety of animals, had tedious talks about it. Never had to deal with people, though.

Percy fell back down in his seat. "That's...hard."

Rachel sucked in a breath.

The boy's overgrown bangs hung low over his eyes. In a small voice, he said, "But I'm willing to try."

* * *

 **Hi! It's been so long since I've written something on here. As you can see, I made a continuation. I don't know if anyone still remembers this (probably not), but I had a couple of requests to give Percy and Annabeth and this is a sort of a prelude to it.**

 **I honestly can't remember what I was thinking when I first wrote the first chapter. The people who messaged me made me realize: why not give some sliver of hope instead of ending it in utter bitterness? The world needs some light right now, I hope I'll be able to convey it here properly.**

 **I have no idea if anyone will read (as my writing is always shitty lmao) and if the people who messaged me before are still willing to read this, but I'll leave this here just in case.**

 **P.S. This scene took place in one setting, and full of mini trips down memory lane and thoughts by Percy. As I said, this is the 'prelude' to acceptance. Our dear boy needs to take slow steps first. And the living people around has to have an impact on his decisions and coping.**

 **Anyways, thank you all :) I hope your days are good, and if they aren't I know they will be better soon. You're all wonderful.**


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